My dearest Sawyer

Today was not our day. It was long. It was hard. It tested my patience beyond what I thought possible. We struggled getting out of the house, we couldn't make a decision on lunch, you refused to eat, refused to come inside, and I had to manually remove you from your bath tonight. We spent the day arguing over what you wanted to drink, you struggled to explain your thoughts to me while I so badly tried to understand what exactly you wanted, you rode to town without pants because the fight to me at that point wasn't worth it, and nearly all day you wore but only one sock. The day was mentally and physically exhausting for the both of us. I was a mean mommy today. I didn't let you have your way with everything, I raised my voice, and I had to talk myself out of beating you pretty much all day long.

Tonight as I was nursing your baby sister to sleep and Daddy was trying to get you to sleep upstairs I could hear your screams "I want my mommy" at first I was annoyed that you still awake at 10:30 and were not fast asleep but as I came upstairs after hearing you for a good ten minutes and you still wouldn't calm down, I realized that I was not annoyed at all, I was indeed thankful. Thankful that after a day like today, with all the struggles, you still wanted me. As I laid beside you and held your trembling little body as you said "hold me tight" still crying and having trouble catching your breath, I realized that in that given moment there is no place I'd rather be. This toddler business is serious. Some days are good and some days are like this particular one. But at the end of the day, I'm still your Mommy and I love you will all my heart. I will "hold you tight" so long as you will let me and no matter the disagreements and struggles, I will always be here. Thank you for wanting me. 

All my love,

Mommy